Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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