Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
