I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
