It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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