He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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