yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize