ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
