If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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