How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
