i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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