My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
