he thought i was a dude.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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