Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
