just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Quick, to the slutcave!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
