if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
