Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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