I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
