I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
