I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize