Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
