Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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