I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
