i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
