i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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