Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
