I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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