Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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