whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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