I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize