Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize