i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Houston, we have a blender
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
