I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
