Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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