No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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