I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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