Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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