ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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