was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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