They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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