Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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