please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
