Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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