The best revenge is premature balding
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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