You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
