About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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