Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
