Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
