I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
