Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
