im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
