Betty ford says i'm here all night
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
