Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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