I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
