All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
