He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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