that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
