Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
