Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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