There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
