respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
