those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
