I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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