No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
