My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
