her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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