I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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