Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
