Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
