i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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