I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
