I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
