Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
