Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
