you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize