Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
