Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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