I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
