Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
