i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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