Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
