The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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