By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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