I got chris browned last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
