I think my fart just growled at me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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