we're blogging at a bar
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
