I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
