I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
