She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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