I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
