remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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