Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
