I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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