I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
