Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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