whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
