My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
