mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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