I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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