Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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