I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
