whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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