The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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