Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
